Holding on to Hope

Hey guys,
So i want to give you trigger warning that this will be talking about some tough subjects today: Rape and Sexual assault. If you don't want to read don't go any further.

So you know when something happens to you, like something really bad, but you don't believe it? That's what just recently happened to me. You see the 21 year old i have talked about before on here got convicted of a sex crime. If you are reading this it is public information in the registry anyways. And we had gotten intimate while i was still in contact with him. Well i said that it was consensual, but really he manipulated me into doing it. If you are reading this, I know what you are going to say, it's not true and society has corrupted you. False, they didn't. Society is corrupt in some ways yes, but on this it is true. Well i believed he was innocent, and we weren't doing anything wrong. At the time legally we weren't, but honestly it just gives me the heebie jeebies thinking back on it. A 21 year old should not ever have sexual relations with a 17 year old, especially if they are already going through legal issues. Well I had gotten in a fight with my mom today about talking to him and she apparently talked to his parole officer. He dumbed down the legal issue, apparently it was bigger than i thought. I also got in contact with his ex, whom he apparently raped 3 times, and sexually assaulted a lot more than that. Think about it people, i was the THIRD person who he has done this too. I am pissed, no i am more than pissed. I am absolutely livid. Deep down somewhere i still care for him, and if i bring him to court i know i will feel bad and won't be able to look him in the eye. But i can not let him do this again! Right now i am still  in shock and shaken up. I know i am still in denial, and will be for a period of time, but i know that will fade. I am actually crying and nauseous right now, it's weird to think that something so bad has happened to someone so innocent, me. I don't know what else to say other than i am just not doing so well.

If you read this, know that i am very angry at you and i will not let you do something like this again. I will find someone who actually loves me and will NOT pressure me into doing things. Goodbye forever

I really need hope right now. Holding on to Hope.

~Lonestar ☆